Cristina had an abortion at the beginning of this season. She didn't want to have kids. She told her husband (a little late, but they did rush into their marriage in about 12 hours) that she didn't want kids. Meredith explained to Owen what it felt like to be the child of someone who doesn't want kids. And so Owen agreed to the abortion, and held his wife's hand through the procedure.
So that's it, right? The show took the feminist path, proclaimed all things wonderful in the land of choice, and we move on.
Nope.
Because even though I do think it was a bold, feminist move to show a character having an abortion, and having one because she chose to, not because of rape or a risky pregnancy, it would also do the show (and the real-life situation of abortion) a great injustice to move on without this having any effects.
In the past few episodes, Owen has begun voicing his problems with the abortion. He yelled at Cristina that she "killed" their baby. And in this latest episode, they are in couples' counseling. And this is where I think the show is really thriving. Cristina explains that not everyone wants kids, that some people just don't want kids, that she wasn't abused, she wasn't "mugged by a baby," she just doesn't want kids. And Owen keeps insisting that everyone wants kids, that she'll change her mind when it's too late and regret her decision. And, more importantly I think, he keeps asking her to at least see his side, to understand, which she can't do. Personally, I think she can't do it because seeing his side would mean the relationship has to end; they can't meet each other's needs anymore, and I think they know it but won't admit it. (Ahh! It's so stressful!) But she also can't see his side because she knows that, even with all the terrible after-effects, abortion was the right choice for her.
This is real life. Abortion, even when chosen, is not easy. Marriage and relationships are not easy. The decision to not have children can be a huge deal-breaker for a relationship (which is where I'm afraid Cristina and Owen are headed, but I haven't seen this week's episode yet; nobody say anything!). Cristina and Owen are two very real, well-developed characters who have very real and conflicted emotions about abortion, children and relationships.
This is what I wish people who see abortion in black and white would see. Pro-choice activists do not want women everywhere to have abortions. We want to reduce the abortion rate (alone with the infant mortality rate, the unintended pregnancy rate, and the teen pregnancy rate). But we also want to reduce the number of women who die from illegal and dangerous abortions. We want to reduce the number of unwanted children in this world. We want to reduce the number of women whose lives were completely derailed because of an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy. We don't think abortion is easy. We don't think abortion is light-hearted. We don't think it's a spontaneous decision made in the blink of an eye.
We know that abortion is a difficult choice to make. We don't envy anyone making that choice.
But we also will not take that choice away. Because, for many women, it is ultimately the right choice.
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