Always a Girl, Never a Woman

Today at work, I was embarrassed by an older man. He is working on a book that our company is going to publish in the near future and he was dropping off a couple of chapters for my boss, the head publisher. My boss introduced me to the man, we’ll call him Mr. Roberts. He told Mr. Roberts who my parents are (I live in a small town and, while it’s getting bigger, I am still plagued by the older generations who know my parents and grandparents all too well) and Mr. Roberts seemed genuinely excited to meet me.

“Well, look at this, we got a third-generation one right here.” (Third generation what? Your guess is as good as mine.) “You look just like Elizabeth,” (my grandmother on my dad’s side, not necessarily a compliment) “and you sure are pretty.” At this point, I’ve been embarrassed by being connected to my older family members (though, granted, I understand that it’s a small town and people like making these connections) and I’ve been reduced to my appearance. Bad enough, right? No. Because the next thing he did was to reach out…

…and pat me on the head!

I am not kidding or exaggerating. Patted. Me. On. The. Head.

Yes, I understand that he’s about seventy years old and that he knows my grandparents and probably sees me as a “youngun.” I get all that. And I still say…

Seriously??!?!

I am 23 years old. He was not meeting me through my grandparents or in a social setting. We were in a professional situation. When he walked in, I stuck out my hand to give my best professional handshake, complete with eye contact and a firm grip. He entered my office and I was introduced to him as “a great intern” and “a wonderful proofreader” (props to my boss for picking out attributes related to intelligence and skill!). I will probably be proofreading his very book in a few weeks and telling him how to fix his writing. And yet he still treated me like 1) a pretty face and 2) a small child. And, sadly, he probably thought he was being truly complimentary and appropriate.

Sexism makes me tired. If I were a male intern of the same age and with the same family connections, he would never have patted me so condescendingly. Today was yet another reminder that no matter how professional, hard-working, or intelligent a woman is, many men (and women too) will see her as a perpetual little girl.